the two americas

Odd how it seems these days there are two Americas:one made up of those who are still working, or who are not working by choice of retirement, wealth, or support of  disability checks; and those who have been laid off, recently or not so recently, those looking for jobs and those who   gave up looking for a job despite their desire for one.

What seems to me to mark a  recession from a depression right now  is the  loss of a job that is necessary for survival. 

So many of us who did not inherit money or were never able to save much or who did save but who lost much of it in the  stock market,  live pay check to pay check.  So when the pay check ends everything changes.

Some people are lucky ones. They  have a spouse with a paycheck and medical insurance, albeit a spouse who experiences increasing stress from the situation that confronts their partner and their family. Others are now in the worse case scenario mode:  single, or without a working partner, who have run out of time, unable to get a lead for a job, not sure how to cover health insurance premiums,  talking about returning to live with elderly parents.  

I am in the category of the supporting role spouse, who lives straddling the two Americas. I have yet to find the support group I  need because  I am too busy working, and also because I chose to put my remaining time into writing this blog.

In my other America- where it appears that nothing at all has yet changed in the world--I note that  the topic of job loss almost  never comes up. No one ever made that  much money to begin with , and it getting along still just fine with what they have. They don't want to think right now about the economic crisis.

When I come home, it is to another America,  where our conversation returns over and over to the bigger and smaller picture of our economy.

So who reads my blog? And who chose not to read, even when I invite them into this dialogue?

There are those like my in-laws, whom I have encouraged directly to read out of solidarity to my husband but still chose not to do so, perhaps  because they resent being asked, resent having to  think about such a changed world they have not yet experienced themselves, and still do not completely believe us,  think we may  be exaggerating the truth about this turn of fate. 

Then there are others like my husband's former boss (now searching for work) who not only reads but shares with me so many of his own experiences that I have expanded my perception to include his vision of things.  He makes me think about how in the east coast there may be  a more "profound respect for elders." He shares with me inspiring stories about   role models like his doctor father and others who were able to "keep their youthful vitality while growing in wisdom. " He calls an old professor of his  a "poster child for this....participating in dance contests with students for fun, while nurturing students and his own mind with intellectual discource built up through 50 plus years of experience."  I am invigorated by the time he takes to share his thoughtful responses to my blog. I long for more such  intellectual exchanges, and more wisdom from experience.  

There are others that I know are reading the blog, those who have signed up as followers, and in so doing have let me know they are there, or read without signing up perhaps out of a desire to remain anonymous,   but who nonetheless respond in other ways. I am grateful for all of their presence in our life, in this virtual community.

And there are  many others I believe who may not yet be ready to read what I have written. Perhaps because they still operate in shame. Some may be ashamed  that they have a job and others do not and they are not sure they want to hear about this, or to acknowledge that gap between the haves and have nots. Others may be  ashamed out of   humiliation the loss of a job triggers, hurt by the blows to their self esteem that this crisis has  brought, scared into silence despite the  invitations from many sources for them to tell their stories.

What I want to share now is there is one thing I have learned since I have started daily on writing this blog, which was by no coincidence  the day before Obama's  inauguration.  The biggest change that has happened in my life with his presidency coming concurrently with this economic crisis is that I no longer feel afraid to speak out with honesty-  identifying myself and what I think and feel, and believing that in doing this I can make some small difference.

I hope you will feel the same and be part of this dialogue about change.